Archive for June, 2010

on nostalgia and change

It’s lonely now the rain has started falling. I miss the friends we knew back home. I’m thinking of them now the storm is rising.

At sea there’s always tomorrow. There are ways to be free. We’ll work it out.

We’ll work it out.

At Sea by Electrelane

There comes a point in all our lives where we experience change – in our own lives or in the lives of the people we know. Sometimes change is exciting-  something new, something refreshing. Other times change is scary and saddening. And sometimes it’s both. Sometimes we are forced into it and other times we take the plunge willingly. Needless to say, change comes in all shapes and sizes.

How do you respond to change? Are you a glass half-full or glass half-empty kind of person?

Personally, I’m not a big fan of change. I’m a homebody. A nester. I am the kind of person who will go to the same restaurant and order the same dish on multiple occasions (sometimes on consecutive days even).

Most of the time though, change is unavoidable.

When everything around you is changing, you tend to miss the things that you’ve lost. I miss feeling like I belonged somewhere, to a certain group of people. I miss the sense of family that I once had. I miss the way certain friendships used to be. It’s sad, knowing that things will never be the way they were. Try as we might, we can never go back.

But those losses, great as they may be, should not make our gains any less worthwhile. Sometimes all we need is time. Time to make new connections with people. Time to discover new places of belonging. Time to make and foster new relationships. Time to mend and nurture old ones.

Change will come, although it will not come easy. As we leave our old lives and move on to the new, where will our focus be? Will our eyes and hearts be fixed on the past or will they look forward to the future, scary and uncertain as it might be?

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On human connection and missing someone dear to you

What shall I do with a life turned to memory? I tried to forget you. I tried to forget you. Where shall I go when I wake from a dream of you? I tried to forget you. I tried to forget you.

Saturday by Electrelane

Every now and then I hear a new song that completely captures me. It’s more than just a good beat or a catchy tune. Usually it will be a song that speaks to me on an emotional level; that depicts me as a person and what I am going through or have experienced at a certain time in my life. Why? I think it’s because most of the time we’re lonely; we’re lonely and we need to experience some sort of human connection in order to keep us sane. That’s what music is for me: a gateway to the emotions of another and to the reassurance that I am not alone.

I was listening to this song today from Electrelane’s “No Shouts No Calls”, which by the way, is swiftly becoming one of my most favourite albums, and the lyrics and music just completely captured me. It’s hard to explain how this happens or how it feels, but it’s kind of like being blind and then getting your sight back and seeing everything for the first time. Or it’s like being on drugs (not that I have ever done that but it’s like what I would imagine being on drugs would feel like). Basically it’s that feeling you get when you experience something so beautiful that it makes you want to cry. The words and the guitar and the bass and the piano and the drums and the vocals and, oh! Everything about this song just floors me. These women are so amazing and talented and inspiring and in the words of E. Page, “I am totally jealous because I will never be them”.

Listen above, read below.

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Saturday by Electrelane

I’ve got a photo from a long time ago
Hold it in your pocket
Hold it in your pocket
I’ve got a ring that my grandmother gave to me
Wear it on your finger
Wear it on your finger
I’ve got a letter that’s full of our secrets
The last one you sent to me
The last one you sent to me, oh

What shall I do with a life turned to memory ?
I tried to forget you
I tried to forget you
Where shall I go when I wake from a dream of you ?
I tried to forget you
I tried to forget you

I still see you
I still see you
I still see you

I turn in my sleep and I see you beside me
It’s your imagination
It’s your imagination
I go to the places we went to together
Find another countries
Find another countries

I turn in my sleep and I see you beside me
It’s your imagination
It’s your imagination
I want to go on but it’s another day without you
I tried to forget you
I tried to forget you

I still see you
I still see you
I still see you…

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on being thankful

I’m not a very optimistic person. I tend to be a glass half-empty kinda gal. When I consider possible scenarios and situations in my head, I usually imagine the worst case scenario. A lot of the time I underestimate people and I don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I write about dark and depressing things because that’s my way of dealing with my emotions.

Lately, however, I’ve been learning that it’s ok to be hopeful. It’s ok to be happy. It’s ok to hope that things will work out in the end. It’s ok to take risks, hoping for the best possible outcome. It’s ok to put yourself out there and be vulnerable, trusting that the people who care about you will not hurt you.

I don’t really like to get all mushy and sentimental.. honestly it makes me feel kind of gross.. but I feel so incredibly thankful right now to have family and friends who are so loving and supportive of me. I never let myself imagine that this was possible and I couldn’t be happier. Right now, I am feeling incredible joy and gratitude.

Yes, I tend to write about dark and twisty things because that’s what I do when I’m upset and trying to deal with my thoughts and emotions, but I don’t want that to be all I write about. I think it’s time to acknowledge that there are a lot of things that I am grateful for and happy about and that I don’t always have the dark and twisties. Sometimes life is great and fantastic.. and that’s definitely cause for celebration. Sometimes life is shit… and that’s ok too.

And sometimes, if you give people the benefit of the doubt, they might just surprise you in ways that you had hoped for but had never dared dream to believe was possible.