on being incapacitated

Right now I am feeling pain. love. anger. heartache. worry. loneliness. desire. sadness. fear.

I feel pain and unbearable sadness when I consider how something beautiful and breathtaking can be judged as being ugly and depraved. I feel pain and anger and sadness when confronted with the incredible amount of hate in this world.

I feel worry and fear for what the future holds. I feel fearful of being alone. I feel fearful of rejection. I feel fearful of disappointment. I feel fearful of never getting the chance to be happy.

I feel love and heartache and loneliness and desire because I am without.

And on top of all these I feel numbness. I feel numbness because sometimes it’s easier to numb the pain and anger and love and heartache and loneliness and sadness and desire and fear, than to let yourself feel it. Sometimes that’s what we try and do to survive. Sometimes survival is all we can do. And sometimes the power to overcome is just around the corner. And the hope that our dark time will someday pass gives us the courage to keep fighting for just one more day.

    • Nihc
    • December 21st, 2011

    I have thoSe feelingS too! If only I could have been a loving SiSter to you. I could confide with you thoSe feelingS.

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